Miss you so ..

Even though we were apart, I always felt that you were nearby, even through my aching heart, I felt that your warmth would return to me to help me move on, I never walked alone so long as my love for you remained..

How far does a heart go before it is shattered inside leaving nothing but an empty shell outside..how long does it take before a heart becomes completely numb and devoid of feelings
how long before i completely forgotten what brought me to where
i am now..

Memories of what was thoughts of what is..

Memories are like waterfalls, always flows in one direction and nothing you do can stop it from where it’s going, you can try filling in the bad memories with all the good ones, or you can lie to yourself and pretend there was a part that never existed, in the end though those sad memories will force their way through and there won’t be anything you can do to stop it, the only thing you can do is simply stop trying to stop them from resurfacing and get out of the way, don’t let the memories take you anywhere and just learn from them, learn that in some shape or form, someone is ready to come to you and share with you all the burdens you’ve carried for so long, if you let it..

Sometimes i wish my heart had remained as solid as ice and as cold as a tomb
i’d never know affection nor would i know if i ever felt it..at least this way
i’d never feel fear or regret and i’d wander along the same
path i always been on my own..
painfully but still
in one piece

Don't deny..

I woke up for some reason feeling yet again that something’s amiss, yeah i should be happy and grateful that i woke up this morning at least knowing it’s Friday and everything is alright, but it isn’t is it? things could of turned out that much better but they didn’t, i then realize i have nobody to blame for it but me, i put myself into this position and so i should be the one to clean up the mess, seems i always screw up somewhere along the way to either protect one’s feelings or mostly my own when i feel that thumping feeling in my chest, a self defense mechanism maybe? i don’t know, i just know that i miss having someone genuinely honestly miss affections that i give, seems i always either give too much or to little though? too much love and i am smothering, too little love and i seem to be a jerk to someone and devoid of emotions, maybe i have no right to be with someone who will be happy with me, i don’t know, at least i tried right? i pray that some day..

Just that one simple wish

Isn’t it funny how we all tell each other how we shouldn’t say what we wished for, because it might not come true? well, at that point you think you might of done the right thing, but then there’s always that nagging feeling that maybe you should have? because you want to just nudge that possible future along? it’s a real crappy feeling wondering, I suppose I can take comfort in knowing that not too much has changed from what I had wished for at 11:11 that one evening, just saying..that unless you have the courage to be disappointed with what she might say? don’t ask..

We walked together down this road and shared our memories and our laughter  together
i know those memories will never fade anymore than the ground beneath our
feet but i know i’ll forever miss the love you shared with me before
our paths split..

Nobody knows how i feel..

She said “I’d take a million i love you’s than what music on a screen can sing”

I’ve had so many close calls where i almost let my past catch up with me, being betrayed, toyed and played like a fool in the past has constantly caught up with me and though i’m still not sure where to proceed from here, i still try to remind myself that this time is different, or will it be? i don’t know, i can’t tell what the future holds, i know i’ll never love the same again no, i will love with deeper passion and deeper love for the one who sincerely wants to hold my heart, i miss the soft caress of a loved one in my arms and to be able to look in her eyes..kiss her lips..know that everything will be good, i’m a proud single parent yes, but in my heart i am just not so fulfilled, it feels empty and forgotten, I’ve stopped dragging my past into a relationship now but being alone is starting to catch up to me, i’ll be patient though because i believe good things come to those who wait.. or does it?

Tired ..

I’m pretty tired still from yesterday’s shift and barely got rest cause I have a lot on my mind, so I woke up at least three or so times, that’s not what I’m mostly tired of though.

I’m just so damn tired of liars who can’t admit that they’ve been caught at their own game, if you were lying and you know you’ve been caught doing it? then fess up already so that one of us can move on!! it’s simple enough but people seem to like making it drama? speaking generally of course.

The most annoying of course is fakers and cheats, there are the ones who fake to really care about you and then they stab you in the back, everyone’s nice when they are getting what they want, then once they have it they just bail! at this point you’re wondering if anything was sincere at all, yeah it’s not really all that different from users is it? I suppose birds of the same feather really do flock together?

Enduring relationships

Hi Blog, I'm here once again in the rain and wondering if saying the things in our hearts is always the right thing to do, we always expect others to, I won't deny that but sometimes it's just not that easy, either you just can't say it because you don't want to hurt someone's feelings, or you just aren't prepared to but the end result always end up being the same, someone will always end up hurt and some things are bound to change, a broken heart that won't heal or feelings become so numb from the pain that you simply give up and move on because you don't feel anything anymore, you can't understand why either, all you know is you gave it your all but it wasn't enough, so say what's on your mind and if the relationship endures? hold on to it tight because these days it's rare, just saying!